Tag! Yer it! By Arhonda Luman 5-13-16



Minnie Pearl


Someone called me Minnie Pearl today!

I hafta say, that accusation came as quite a surprise ta me! I wuz jest buzy bein me, dressin in my finest  frippery, and wearin my  readin glasses with a little round dot on the lens that tells the strength of my lens. I jes didn’t see the correlation.

It happened  something like this.

I have  fickle eyes that only see what they want to, when they want to. Allergies, low light, fatigue and old age are factors.. Any of them can cause my eyesight to fluctuate like my bathroom scales.

I was wearing the 3.5 strength glasses and did fine with them, for a while. Then…..I got so blind when I got tired, I couldn’t see good enough to find my butt with both hands.  Well, it was clear to my husband and me, something had to be done. He knew I was struggling, so he hunted for stronger lens at several dept stores, but had no luck. It was at that point he donned his superman suit and valiantly went on line to search for stronger glasses to rescue little ole me. (hubba hubba, I just love a man in tights! I can’t wait to catch him in a phone booth!)

Back to the story, sorry I flaked a bit! 🙂

He bought them. Some of the strengths of the reading glasses are 4.0, 3.75, 3.50.  Most of my work is done up close so I wear the readers 99% of the time.  I wear the weaker ones in daylight then wear the stronger ones at night.  I have a pair of bifocals that I wear when I drive.

I realized right away that I would not be able to tell which strength was which, since all the glasses were black. Mentally, I came up with a brilliant plan to take fingernail polish and color code a stripe on the earpiece to help me identify the right pair. That got confusing real fast. I would have had to draw something like a treasure map to remind me which pair was painted pink,  or had a stripe, then, I would have had to keep it on my person so I could find it.

You can see how confusing this was can’t you?  Well, I said to myself, “DUH! why don’t you just keep the little tag on the lens.? It will tell you which pair is which!”  It made sense to me so that is what I  did! Elementary my dear Watson!”

A few days later I went to the doctor. As she was asking me questions relevant to my health, she noticed the little tag on my  glasses. I saw the change come over her. It was like Jekyll and Hyde!  Her pointer finger started twitching and she started advancing toward me like a crazed dentist does when  dead set on pulling an abscessed tooth!  I backed up against the wall in total horror. She had me hemmed up and began telling me I had a tag on my lens.

Just in the nick of time,  I saved my little tag by saying, “Yeah, I did that on purpose so that I can tell which pair of glasses is which!”

Aghast, she turned back to her work , but her finger was still itching to take that sticker off my glasses. I could tell she thought I was nuttier than my mother in law’s fruit cake.  I shrugged it off.  It had seemed logical to me.

I laughed all the way home. Accidently I had found a new way to drive people crazy with my eccentric ways!  It was Fun!!

A few days later, my husband and I went to eat in a restaurant. The owner was mingling amongst the customers greeting them. When she stopped at our table, I saw the same crazed look come on her face as I had seen on the doctor! When her pointer finger started twitching, I backed against the wall. She leaned towards me, hell bent on scratching my sticker off and saving me from the embarrassment of anyone else seeing my mistake! I threw my arms up in self defense and explained to her that I had done that on purpose!  🙂  It took her a second to focus enough to make her finger stop twitching  but she did it. Afterward, she smiled at me , but backed away slowly. She was convinced I had lost my mind and needed to be locked away somewhere. She thought I was crazy!  🙂

All of this happened because of a little tag.   (Well, maybe NOT all!)





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