My husband, Jerry, has always told me I am beautiful. I had 20-20 vision so I never believed him. I thought he was being sneaky and maybe wanting to go fishing without hearing me nag! Heck fire, I didn’t know why he said that! For that matter, I still don’t!
I knew a lot of beautiful women when I was young, because of working in a beauty shop. I heard many stories about their husband’s roving eye. (I always wondered, but never asked what he did with the other one!”
Oh, I knew what they meant, but I really never had an understanding of it, furthermore, I really did not see a problem with a man admiring a beautiful woman. I thought that was just natural. I had never caught him “Looking,” so I decided to do my own “Scientific experiment.”
Once I asked him, “Jerry when you see a beautiful woman, do you look at her?”
“Nope,” he said.
That was the end of the conversation.
“Bull fodder!” was the first thing that came to my mind! “What man wouldn’t look?” I asked myself.
I never did catch him looking. Then one bright, sunny day, we were cruising through town. There was a little store with gas pumps not very far off the road. As we got closer to it, I saw a young woman in short shorts, with long, shapely, brown legs, that reached all the way to the ground. She was taking the fuel line out of the pump to get gas. Instead of putting it in her car, she bent over and put it in a gas can on the ground. I started hyperventilating. I spit and sputtered trying to get his attention. When she bent over, her bottom was aimed at the highway. Those shorts rolled up like run away venetian blinds, and exposed nearly everything she owned. Now, I just meant for him to look at a girl in shorts and all of a sudden it went burlesque. When I got my breath back, I stuttered frantically and asked, “Did you see that?”
I looked at him to see where his eyes were. Believe it or not, both of his hands were and 10 and 2 on the steering wheel and his eyes were straight ahead. (Both of them)
I laughed. “You are good, really good, but I’ll catch you sometime!”
He looked at me innocently and smiled.
A few years later, We were in Oklahoma City and stopped at a famous Bar-b-Que place. The waitress brought our menus and handed them to us. About the time I saw the ribs on the menu, I heard a commotion coming through the front door. Curiously, I glanced up to check it out. Jerry was facing me with his back to the door. A man in his early forties, came into the cafe with the force of a whirlwind. His clothing probably cost $500 and were pressed and creased immaculately. He had so many gold chains hanging around his neck, I though he might get spinal damage from the weight of them.I couldn’t even count them. After he entered the building, another storm hit, walking in his wake. She too, was dressed in expensive clothing, and wore 6 inch heels. Her hair was long and bleached blonde and she was wearing so much jewelry, the sparkle nearly put my eyes out. She had a low-cut blouse on that highlighted her store-bought boobies. Oh I knew they weren’t real! They were just tooooo perfect. They stuck out like a table in front of her and were so pointed, when she walked, they swayed and banged together like a drum. The played a tune every time she took a step. “Boom badda boom bada boom,”
I feared for my husband’s life. I was hyperventilating again and couldn’t warn him, so he couldn’t dodge those weapons of mass destruction. I scooted closer to the wall. I didn’t want one of them to put my eye out if she stumbled in those heels!
Finally I could speak again. About the time she passed by us, I blurted out,”OH MY GOSH Jerry, did you see that?”
“Nope,” He grinned.